I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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