When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
