do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
