I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
