How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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