On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
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The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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