Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
