i think my tv is drunk
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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