look no pants
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
