Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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