I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?