i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
