just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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