Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
