remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
