Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
