and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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