Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
