I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
MIDGETS
????
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
