I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
