Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
