i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
