I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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