Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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