So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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