Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
