Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
