So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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