Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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