It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize