Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
