hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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