I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
