i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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