Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
