Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
