Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think my vagina is haunted
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
