You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
