Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
