I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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