She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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