i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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