1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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