Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
