Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
