I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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