How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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