ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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