the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
how do you play pong handcuffed?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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