Sponge bath it is.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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