Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
