Cold hands, warm shart.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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