Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
