How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
