I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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