how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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