12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
