Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
