too bad you live with your parents still
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
