My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
