How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
