My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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