This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize