Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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