its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
