I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
