How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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