Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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