you would pick up someone in the library
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
