I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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