A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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