is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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