I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
