Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
