My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
