I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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