so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
