you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
