I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
