Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
